dreaming in color

the other night, i had a really bad dream. i haven't had dreams like that recently. either i haven't had time to dream(since i have so little time to sleep), or my subconscious had been one happy contented lazy mind.  not that i was unhappy before. i think my dreams are generated from a weird pocket in my left brain. whatever.
 
my dreams are pretty exhausting too. mainly because i'm  never aware that i'm actually dreaming in my dreams. it has always been so real. well most of the time. i'd know i was in a dream in probably 2 or 3 out of 50 dreams. so i wake up really scared. or tired. or excited. or honest(my favorite word, hehehe).   what's weird is, this happens even when i have recurring dreams.  i always remember getting into that situation, and what i did previously, so i always can choose to not do what i did before.  it gets confusing sometimes, though. and emotionally and mentally draining. (why does this sound like a relationship?)
 
the dreams that stay in my memory bank, at least most of them that's stored, would be my r18 dreams - horror and sex.  not sex-horror dreams. (i can't really imagine exchanging body fluids with a guy spilling his guts on the floor). i could be slashing a vampire with a toenail cutter. or french kissing dingdong dantes. (i dont like him. but he liked me.)
 
the dream that i had the other night, i woke up with the vivid picture of a just finger sliced hand. i couldnt remember exactly what happened, but i remember waking up scared shit. i texted a friend to take my mind off it. but the harder i try not to fall asleep, i did. like in nightmare on elm's street. but then i woke up again. this time i remember what happened. i was in a gym's shower area. initially i was with someone, and that someone was being chased by goons. while watching him evade his captors, i suddenly became the captive. i remember hiding in the shower stalls, crawling, all wet and cold, and squeezing myself in the steam room, under the benches.  and then i remember someone grabbing me and fortunately, there was a small kitchen knife, the size of a bread knife. i used that to slice off the tip of my enemy's fingers. but he wouldn't let go. i wasn't screaming either. so what i did was to slice off his fingers. but that didnt work either. he still had a grip on me, i dont know how he did it. so what i did was to slice his hand into two. and that was when i was able to run to safety.
 
scary shit. and then i woke up.