drama queen

had a great gig last saturday.
too great that it added to my blues. right after the gig, this girl and Ms.AD stole me from the crowd and started talking business. they were convincing me to sing for this other band. this girl, a lawyer volunteered to draft a contract for me, to show that my priority is still the kids, and not this new band. and then they said that Ms. AD could be my manager. arrgh. told them ContraDiva is my personal manager, and that i have no plans of leaving the kids coz i love them already. they were swinging from the "you're young, very talented and in demand. grab the opportunity!" to the " you'll earn a steady 12k a month for your twice a wk hotel gigs, plus more for special gigs...you could quit your call center job and do what you love!" i wasn't that convinced, i dunno why. the blues got to me. it was soo overwhelming. imagine having a manager and lawyer just for stuff like this?! i'm not even an artista! i've got so many apprehensions..pressure!
this thing the kids and i actually discussed briefly last ensayo. they said they were gonna break my neck if i decided to leave them. haha! carino brutal. i like it. i found it really sweet. really.
so that's #1...for saturday. i've had a couple of issues that week i dont feel like sharing yet.

#2. went to Mother Soccer's party after.
of course, had to change my top coz i was so dugyot already from all the pawis and the rain. i was hoping i'd get sick, but i didn't. anyway, my top was a bit sexy i think, plus i was wearing ContraDiva's chainchainchain necklace (which Paparas keeps calling blankblank 'stead of blingbling coz it was just silver and didn't have any value..) so i think the tendency was to look at my chest area. stupid me didnt notice that until late late later that night, when i was just among close friends and four new friends, two of them i think are into me. hahaha! the other one was definitely more obvious..saving me from vodka vanilia shots ( after 10 glasses of vodka, how do you expect me to be so looking forward to vodka shots ha?). he always finished up what i couldn't finish drinking..around 1/3 of my drink, without me even asking him to. sweet. he just looked at me and knew i needed help, and so after that first shot that i didn't get to finish, he made sure he was beside me everytime it was my turn. what a sweetie. i'm such a sucker. wahaha. though, this guy's not really my type. but i could go out with him...let's see.
but that wasn't #2 in my drama issues. something happened last saturday that made me doubt some of my friends. and it affects me so much because we've been friends for almost 15 years. i remember giving this advice to my friend who felt betrayed by some friends,

"don't be what they've been to you because you are not that person. but remember
to put them in their place, so you'll never be in this same situation again. "

naks, drama. but i got to use that for a while. and it worked for me. i don't know if it works for other people though.

issue#3. so cliche. and what's more cliche than heart ailments...i mean problems. not for blogging. yet. i think pretty soon it will be. when i rid myself of heartaches. how sad!

you see, there are issues in my life that i sort into confrontational and non-confrontational bins. most of those things closest to my heart i stash into the non confrontational bin. i dunno why, maybe to protect myself. maybe to protect them. i give so much of myself to people i care about the most, that hurting them would be hurting me. i've learned or struggled to be more selfish, for my sanity. hahahaha! but i can't be too careful, coz that would kill me. i need to feel alive. and if occasional outbursts of agony and pain would give that, then i'd muster enough courage to face those things that would make me feel alive...thinking, hoping and keeping in mind that my time will come soon. and then i'd be able to wear this drama queen shirt with a grin.