fear factor

you know how sometimes something you say hits you right in the head, especially when you don't really expect to hear it, but you do just the same?

that just happened to me a few hours ago.

we were talking about our relationships with these other people when i mentioned that i was afraid of emotional intimacy. whaaat??

am i commitment phobic?

commitment phobic sounds like a terrible disease. emotional intimacy phobic doesn't sound that baad, right? hmm..thinking about it right now..these are two different things.
emotional intimacy phobic: can commit. scared to bare soul and show skin.
commitment phobic: can not commit. not scared to bare soul and show skin.

hehehe. i can't think of anything else. but i guess the comparison is enough..wajathink?

so to answer that question - no, i am not commitment phobic. nor am i scared of emotional intimacy...anymore! (kachingkachingkaching!!!)

my friend says it's easy to get over the hurt. way back when i was crazy and younger, which was the last time i got hurt, my world was crushed into pieces, my heart was deepfried. now that i'm crazier and still young, if ever i fall in love again, i will make sure to bubblewrap my world and keep in mind that steaming is healthier than deepfrying.

the only reason why i think i have relationship phobia is because i have a trust issue. i know i'm sanely forgiving. but to lie to me about something just shows that these guys think i'm dumb. which shouldn't be my problem.

so, why do i think will i survive the relationship thing?
1. i want to.
2. i want to.
3. i decided that i'd trust myself more now. i just can't leave it to them - they're out of my control.
4. i want to.

with a coy grin and a handsome guy holding my hand, i'm all set to go.